The road you can take.

I'll take this pills and shove them down my throat to keep the words I dread from escaping my lips.

J J J J Jmal.

"HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO"

Ok Go.

Maybe it's a shame
That it happened this way, but there's nothing I can do
And I know you like to say
That in a week it will have changed, but we both know it ain't true
So tell me for the last time why you're here
And I'll pretend to love you for the fear of breaking you

Close your eyes, baby take the time to choose
What it is you want to do
Cause I'm not sorry
And in the end, you know it all comes back to you
So take the time to choose
Cause I'm not sorry

So turn you head away
From the mess that we have made, cause there's nothing we can do
And don't you feel ashamed, when the light begins to fade
On the one thing, you thought you knew
And tell me for the last time why you're here
And I'll pretend to love you, for the fear of breaking you

Close your eyes, baby take the time to choose
What it is you want to do
Cause I'm not sorry
And in the end, you know it all comes back to you
So take the time to choose
Cause I'm not sorry

Lonely eyes I cannot trust
I know it's tough love but we must
Cut the ties and throw it away
I never wanted it this way
A broken heart is left to bleed, an open book is left to read
It's crystal clear, so tell me why can't you see

Close your eyes, baby take the time to choose
What it is you want to do
Cause I'm not sorry
And in the end, you know it all comes back to you
So take the time to choose
Cause I'm not sorry

Cause I'm not sorry
Cause I'm not sorry

I'm Jamal.
School's a Bitch.

Off the Cliffs, onto the Rocks.

Oh Love, oh I got plenty.
So why do I feel like I got nothing.
Oh Love, I'm so empty.
Who am I now?
Tell me what I'm gonna be.
Or give me back Me.

I'm Jamal.
An idea about Mary.

Heart-felt.

You know the feeling you get when someone you really like, dies.
Well 2 of them did. Both without a reason. And last person they talk to was me.

This is a shit feeling.
Life just keeps throwing things in my face.

I'm Jamal.
Will all this shit going on.
I wonder if I will succumb to it too.

The Bad Liars Lie.

I joke about myself knowing some of it is true.

What is happening to me.

I'm Jamal.
I want my old self back.

It's gonna be hard.

School starts tomorrow.
And I'm now feeling the heat of it.

Just for the record.
I never once like the song, Stolen.
Belle of the Boulevard, yes.
Stolen, no.

I'm Jamal.
Its a long way down.
Let's force it into your system, J.

Lately...

Even when my luck is down
I take joy in knowing that our love grows
But if my vices are a burden
Please don't let me off
Cast me from your home

Because lately I've wronged you
And not been on your side, love
Maybe I have been dumb
Please don't ask me why

I turn away just when you want me
And I know that home is where you want me
There's not much for me there

Never gave a thought to an honorable living
Always had sense enough to lie
It's getting hard to keep pretending I'm worth your time

Never gave a thought to an honorable living
Always had sense enough to lie
It's getting hard to keep pretending I'm worth your time

Because lately I've wronged you
And not been on your side, love
Maybe I have been dumb
Please don't ask me why
Please don't ask me why
Please don't ask me why
Please don't ask me

I'm Jamal.
Let's try. Just this once.
Let's all be happy.

What am I doing with my life?

GIVE ME STRENGTH.
CAUSE I REALLY NEED IT NOW.
PLEASE. I MEAN IT.

I'm Jamal.
Dying a little on the inside.
Everytime I lie about how I am feeling.

What I am truly feeling.

Just came back from the chalet this morning.
Walked the whole way alone with Jakes.
The chalets were fun.
But this was by far the biggest chalet I ever been to.
Was literally like HUGE.
With masterbedroom and 3 other sleeping room that holds 2 bed each with own toilets.
Someone brought their xbox so we hogged it.
Wish someone also brought Fatal Frame.
Been wanting to play it since GODS KNOWS WHEN.

I'm keeping myself bottled up this past few days.
It's nothing wrong, its just a way to deal with thing. Temporarily.

The letter Kumiko wrote to Toru Okada.
Briefly explains what I think happened to me.
HAHA! I gotta stop relating plots in story books to myself.

I'm Jamal.
Not caring for anyone.
But myself for now.

No time for work/myself.

Been darn Busy since last week.
Apparently with Chalets.
26-28 sept = Primary school chalet.
29 sept = Outing with poly year 1 sem 2 mates
30 sept = Went to school for PD meeting
1-3 oct = sec school chalet
4- ??oct = current poly clique + faci chalet.

When will i ever get work done in this time.
And i'm seriously lacking sleep with all this late nights at chalet.
But had a great supper and breakfast with Azri just now.
Wished Adib stayed nearby just like old times so we could meet up.
But we conclude that the times have changed.

Funny how I got millions and millions of things to say and tell.
Things to joke and laugh about.
But no one is at the other end of the cup with the string I'm holding onto.
Oh wells, lets keep it for another time.

I'm Jamal.
Please work your magic, oh Murakami-san.

Creta Kano.

Chalet was fun.
Besides the fact that everyone thinks my hair could double as a mop.
Everything was going oh-so-well.
And then someone had to send me a hate-message in the morning.
Was just sitting down laughing and having a ball of a time when,

Danial : Hey Jamal! Your phone rang. I didn't meant to read it, but I accidentally pressed it. And it started with Dear, Jamal Azizi. I HATE YOU!
Jamal : ?!?!?!?!

That was a shocker for the first day i guess.
Oh, and i spend sunrise alone sitting on a rock by the sea reading Murakami.
Nothing could have beat that feeling.
Never felt so relaxed in such a long time.
And then we rollerblade(d)? ( no idea if theres such a thing as rollerbladed)
The funny thing was, I usually have weird dreams.
That I know and come to love sharing with others.
But I dreamt once that I learnt how to rollerblade.
Yesterday was my first time rollerblading and honestly
I felt like I been rollerblading for a long time.
These dreams are not only entertaining but they're educational too i guess.
Everyone was kinda pissed at me for knowing how to rollerblade even when
it was my first time.
I've never felt so superior before in my life.
MUAHAHAHAHA!

I'm Jamal.
Its literally shit.
Like Monkeys on Shitty Island.

Battle Royale.

Just coz my existence has no effect anymore.
I'm such a jinx. I natural third wheel.
No matter what I do.
Couples will have trouble.
First Lina.
Not my FYP teammate.
And it doesn't help at a time like this.

Besides my family is torn apart.
Even without this, I'm pretty much in a mess.
With this now, who knows what might happen.
Some people just have to spoil everything.
Disgrace the name of the family.
And make parents feel miserable.
They're already troubled enough without this.

I REALLY HATE YOU SIS.